By Catherine Qiaofei Obrero, International Adoptee
Moses and the book of Exodus are a very well-known story within the Bible to those both who are and who are not Christians. There are Bible studies, sermon series, videos, references within weekly church sermons, podcasts, songs, and Christian-based articles easily found online related to Moses and the book of Exodus. As a young adult transracial adoptee, I am learning to understand more of who God is, navigating the complexities of being an adoptee, and processing my own story through Mose’s life within the scriptures of Exodus. Early on in my faith journey, the text of Exodus became a favorite story as it impacted me in ways far beyond what I learned in church or community. Moses’s story allowed me to understand my anger, frustration, grief, resentment, hurt, sadness, confusion, and every other unidentifiable emotion. His story allowed me to defend him when I felt I could not and did not have the understanding to express my own experiences. It was not, and still a deep struggle, I do not want to continually find myself in… but to heal, these feelings must be felt, heard, known, understood, and validated. Moses, and his story, give clarity and validity to these feelings and thoughts as I continue to wrestle with the concept of what it means to be a Christian, an international Chinese transracial adoptee, and Deaf. As I read the story of Moses, I can deeply empathize with his feelings of confusion, brokenness, struggles, navigation, seeking, searching, processing, and desiring through different seasons of his life and within the book of Exodus.
Moses had extraneous circumstances that led to becoming an adoptee due to the corrupt and selfish Egyptian government at the time and the declared order to kill every birthed baby boy under his throne. Moses was NOT an orphan. Moses had a mother who loved him. Moses experienced separation as a ~3-month-old infant through a temporary separation when Pharaoh’s daughter found him. A few years later, Moses returned to Pharaoh’s daughter and became his (adoptive) mother. Pharaoh’s daughter named him Moses though his birth mother once called him Jekuthiel.
Pharaoh’s daughter had sympathy and kindness to save him, but that doesn’t make her a “savior” in this story. She raised him with opportunities he probably would not have had if he stayed with his birth family, but this cannot be disregarded for the loss of precious upbringing of being surrounded by the birth family who also loved him. Pharaoh’s daughter gave him a life of materialistic wealth, food, clothes, shelter, and rights as an Egyptian but should not diminish that he is a Hebrew and should have deserved this equally Hebrew or Egyptian. He was favored in the eyes of his adoptive mother, but still, his adoptive family did not have a favorable view of his own people and culture.
The book of Exodus does not describe in great detail Moses’s upbringing. Still, Moses was impacted by his adoption, knowing he was a Hebrew being raised by his Egyptian family, some of the most powerful Egyptians at the time. When reading the scripture, we can predict that Moses had the materialistic comforts, a family of wealth and power, did not worry about his next meal or access to water, and a life full of opportunities much different from living with his birth family. BUT It is also evident that he struggled with identity, the “who am I,” his sense of belonging, his struggles related to separation, and frustration with how his own people were treated.
Can you imagine being raised by a family who claims to love you and provide everything you tangibly need or want, but also being the same family who oppresses the same ethnic group and place you came from? Can you imagine the type of discussions and decisions he overheard and was involved in weekly, if not daily? Can you imagine how his family and extended family viewed him, the types of stereotypes and assumptions he was surrounded by, and the community he spent his upbringing in? Of course, he might have been embraced, and because of Pharaoh’s daughter’s actions, I can believe that to an extent. But I can also imagine the type of conversations his adoptive family should have had and didn’t have or poorly handled oppressive and racial comments he must have experienced.
In Exodus 2:11-12, a fellow Hebrew was beaten by an Egyptian, and Moses intervened and killed the Egyptian. Through this, we can say sin and anger are huge components and cannot be discredited, BUT many other factors are not seen at the “tip of the iceberg.” Moses knew his story. He recognized no matter how he was raised, he was still a Hebrew; those were still his people. He grew up contemplating his own views with the views of his family as he saw the injustice and oppression of his people. Moses hurt, felt the hate on his people, felt the unfairness and dominance, and felt their pain as this was his story too. He felt he was unable to control the situation he grew up in and those of his people. He felt confused, rejected, wanted a solution, and, as a result, he acted impulsively in verse 2:12. The list can continue, and we can continue to imagine what Moses truly did feel. His adoptive family and community turned on him and even wanted to murder him for his act of murder of the other Egyptian. Some of his family and communities’ thoughts were probably, “How ungrateful is Moses!!”, “For all we did for him, we saved him, and this is his response!!”, “He should be thankful!”, “He could have been dead without us.”, “This was a mistake…He is a mistake…what a waste,” and the list continues.
Moses fled to Midian. In those 40 years of hiding in Midian, I felt deeply and painfully the abandonment he must have felt, the additional loss, the feeling unloved, the feeling unwanted, the sense of rejection, the deep hurt, the loneliness, the seeking identity, the seeking purpose, the countless questions of “why,” “when,” and “what.” I empathized with the possible doubts, the confusion, the anger and frustration, the brokenness, the “who am I, “the “what if I stayed with my birth family, what would I be doing, and how would my life be different…or would I be alive?”…
Around 40 years later, in verse 4:17, God stated Moses will reunite with his birth brother Aaron, and together they will pursue a freedom and redemption in years of brokenness and oppression. In verse 4:18, Moses asks permission from his father-in-law to return to his relatives in Egypt, and states, “I do not even know if they are still alive.”. He faces Pharaoh, who is part of his adoptive family. Can you imagine the conflicted thoughts and feelings encountering him again ~40 years later? Through God’s grace, he faced Pharaoh. God wanted to give Pharaoh and Egyptians a chance (many chances), to repent, to change their ways, and as in verse 5:1 to, “let my people go…”. It is not mentioned in the text, but possibly Moses attempted to seek peace and reconciliation personally between Pharaoh and his adoptive family. After all this was the place he grew up in and perhaps at one time he lived under the same roof as Pharaoh. Though it is uncertain this is one possible perspective.
As the story of Exodus continues, God reveals himself multiple times with unconditional love, grace, and patience towards Moses. God demonstrates a deep desire for a relationship with Moses. He continues to pursue Moses. God shares he has a purpose for Moses, and His plans of redeeming and healing are
continuous and perfect. I am slowly learning that never is healing a one-time event throughout this story, and the same is for my life and being an adoptee and navigating that daily. But through God’s encouragement, demonstrations, an abundance of patience, grace, unconditional love, and reassurance, Moses faced his past, his disability of stuttering, and his reunion with his birth family. Moses led his people out of oppression and did the impossible of parting waters and so many other miracles with God’s provision. He gained courage, and trust in God, and obedience. Moses found an identity in God that could not be taken or shaken or based on conditional events or relationships. He continued to struggle with his self-worth, confidence, abilities, purpose, and past throughout his life. This doesn’t diminish his trauma, struggles, and experiences, but it is evident that he found community, hope, love, and healing because of God.
Moses’s life demonstrates the paradox of adoption and an adoptee’s life: the messy, the hard, the complex, the uncomfortable, the pain, and so much more. This isn’t the story of all adoptees or the perspective of all adoptees, but Moses and the book of Exodus demonstrate crucial concepts that are core to adoptees’ experiences. The separation, the loss, the grief, the identity seeking, the navigation, the concepts of love and abandonment, and the broken and imperfect government and social systems. Moses’s story captures a collision of deep pain with deep joy, not because of his broken past but DESPITE his broken past… and ultimately because our God is ever pursuing us, omnipresent, unconditionally loving us, a God of forgiveness and grace, and far more than we can comprehend or imagine.